My little mind games.

This post may be over sharing to some people but I have had a large mind game while here and I just thought I would share how happy I am to be through it.

I was worried I was going to miss out on my calling, I was looking at everyone else and comparing myself to them. Why does everyone else have their life together and their goals are so great? Why don’t I have a goal? Do I have a goal or purpose for Cambodia? Does God have a purpose for me here? He must do right?

If you do not know already, we have a huge amount of power over our own thoughts and feelings. Enough that it can be life changing. Personally I had stopped myself from being happy because I felt useless for not having a goal and being in Cambodia without a 'Goal' made me feel like I had missed Gods calling and was wasting time. This gave cause for my anxiety and frustration to sky rocket as I tried to search of my ‘purpose to life’ in 2016.

If the above ever happens to you, please take my advice and realise sooner than later that you may need help from others to start feeling positive about life again. 

So here is my recipe for getting over ones anxiety, frustration, self consciousness and other related emotions.

I recommend starting by being strict on your thoughts. Begin by rebuking and sift out negative feelings that Satan or random things like social media give you. 

Repeat this ‘sifting’ over and over as required.

For a few days you may need to force yourself to be positive, humble yourself if necessary so you can move your minds focus. Meditate, pray, exercise, do what ever you need to do to give your mind freedom to relax and to STOP over analysing how great everyone else ‘does life’.

We need to encourage each other to get past our anxiety and stresses about who we are and how we do life and if it looks ok for people looking in. 

Even before this trip I was worried and my mind said to itself over and over “I just want to make a difference!” or “I don’t even have a goal”.

It was as if I was searching for a big bang to tell me why my heart had brought me to Cambodia to help. After a month of mind games I had finally give up on the answer to why I am here right now at this time. I did the above process for a good few days.

Finally I began to just live.

Live and chill.

I have peace.

Thank you God.

Instead of looking inwardly I started looking around outwardly to whom I could help or spend quality time with. In a way here each day is different but the same. So instead of feeling like I am wasting time, when I am not physically doing anything, I began to see low times here are a bonus to living in a rural town with different options for entertainment.

I have gradually become happy to just see how life turns out here in Cambodia and when we get home. Being already in this place on earth where God had pulled my heart to be I figure ‘where can I go wrong’.

Without my husband Levi and Trishie my Mum I wouldn’t be feeling the same about Cambodia right now. They helped me snapped me out of a negative trance I was in and gave me love and positive words over and over in the first weeks of being here. Overall they have helped me enjoy every moment here and make me proud to be here regardless of what I ‘achieve’.

So what if I don’t have a goal right now! I am right where I want to be and wouldn't have my life any other way right now. I am enjoying all the small and large moments.

I feel free and loved with or without a goal or that 'one' purpose to my current life.

Not everyone has to have goals or direction in their life to achieve or learn great things from a place or person.

I wanted to shear this release I have felt in the last few weeks. I am sure some of you have already gained this freedom but sometimes it is good to remind one another that we are human and sharing can be caring.

Peace!!

oxo

Kirsty Joan